Long Lost Ship found in Tampa Bay Many, many years ago (I don't know when, but it was long ago) a vessel carrying 3 pirates and quite a few goats sank into Tampa Bay never to be seen again. No one really looked for it until a legend was started revealing that this particular ship had a bunch of gold on it. Kids, cats, and old folk alike searched high and low, but mostly low since they were looking in the water for this crazy floating pirate vehicle but no one was able to locate it. On March 19th, 2001, it was located. Billy Cheese, Esq. and Charles Walters were walking along the edge of The Pier in downtown St. Petersburg when both of the fools fell in. Chuck Walters was impaled by a large piece of wood. Not really caring about his friend much, Billy dove underwater to see what the wood's origins were. He thought it was a tree but he soon found out that he was mistaken. He screamed out "Ohb thi truck!" which translates to "Oh my fuck!" if he wouldn't have tried to speak while in the water. He had found the pirate ship. As Chuck bled to death, Billy swam deeper and up into a pocket of air in the hull of the ship. There he was greeted by the three skeletons of the crusty sailors as well as goat remains. He ended up cashing in almost a million dollars. He moved to Zaire where he was hurriedly eaten by a giraffe. You might be asking yourself, though, "Why wasn't the ship found when The Pier was being built in the 20's?" The answer to that can be found at the home of Martha "Skinny" Skinterson. She was alive back when The Pier was being built. She told us here at Tanuk Times, "They thought they were building over an old burial ground so they said it was ok. They kept adding more and more shoddy materials over the ship, eventually covering it to meet the needs of people who wanted to go kind've far out into the water for no reason at all only to have to return to the gangster-infested St. Pete. I guess some of The Pier finally gave way to reveal it's treasure." This marvelous find upset the city leaders who weren't able to get any of the money from the gold as well as because it revealed how shitty The Pier is in more ways than one. The ship was taken out and destroyed just like most historic things in the city. This is Punt. You didn't hear it from me. Until next time...